i swear i’m done

posted on February 08, 2010.
filed under: yay, ramble, life, not yay, messy.
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i want to leave; i want to get out of here. i want to be a floating patch of air colder than the rest, and shall i be the right kind of cold i am thinking, i will warm the hearts and minds of others instead of chilling those who aren’t on the same wavelength as me, so to speak. i want to start a garden because i think that gardens are fantastic: rows of neatly arranged vegetables and fruits you helped grow, that you keep alive, that can die at your will. i want to be inside of a song so amazing and wonderful that i don’t mind being stuck there in its monotony, even as i feel completely uncomfortable in my current monotony. this song must be a strange one with horrible ugly beats mixed with a beautiful melody, and that is what i am and what my life is i’m sure. i sound good to some. bad to others.

and the strange part of it is, i don’t accept it. i accept myself and my tastes and how i am but i don’t accept how i am presented and seen and how my life is. it’s so un-me, in my eyes, which is weird, because isn’t life what you make it?

• “new theory” by washed out.